I find joy in tacky furnishings. But I am a grown-ass adult (or so I am told), so I cannot furnish my entire house with orange and brown velour couches and red velvet hanging lamps (on gold chains!). Also, more importantly, my husband won’t let me.
So, in our new house there is a basement. It is supposedly “finished” – in that it has carpet, wood paneled walls, and a “bar.” Said “bar” is comprised of a sink and small countertop, with cabinetry of three different finishes and styles. Fancy! I have taken ownership of this basement. It is mine, and I can make it as tacky as I want, damn it. And I am calling it My Evil Lair of Evilness.
There have been a couple of roadblocks – 1) all my previously owned tacky stuff (red velvet hanging lamps! dogs playing poker! neon beer trophies!) are in storage in Texas. I am not in Texas. This is a problem. 2) The stairwell down to the basement is exactly 27.5 inches wide. In case that means nothing to you, it is approximately half the width of a normal stairwell. Needless to say, finding furniture that will fit down the stairwell (which also has a landing, forcing a sharp turn halfway down!) is nearly impossible. In fact, I now have a lovely brown chair in my living room because it JUST. WON’T. FIT.
Methodical searching of local consignment and antique shops has led to a few finds. I now have a lovely, teeny tiny skinny desk. It is perfect for my teeny tiny laptop though, and that’s all I needed. I also now own The World’s Ugliest And Therefore Most Evil Couch. A mere 26 inches tall, I was able to lay it on it’s back and get it down The Impossible Stairwell. It is SO UGLY, that when I paid $40 for it, I almost cried. But! And this makes me question society wholeheartedly – it is in PERFECT condition. No worn spots. Good springs. Armrest covers that aren’t even worn out. Someone, somewhere, kept this couch in a room covered in plastic and rarely sat on it. WHO IS THIS PERSON!? (I think they might be my soulmate. Sorry, Husband.)
Oh and! I set up one of my aquariums down here. Since we moved here, in May, this is the longest I’ve gone without a fish tank since I was 13. I decorated it with the evilest decor I had – including a coffin with a pop-up skeleton. And then I put six tiny, adorable goldfish in it, because I don’t care about you and your fancy saltwater aquariums, I LOVE GOLDFISH.
Well, this is a very boring post about my basement. But I love it, so shut up. And given my agoraphobic tendencies, I am now unlikely to ever leave my Evil Lair of Evilness.
Check out this couch though. Seriously.
And here’s the chair that won’t fit (I actually think this is pretty, but I know I am alone in that.)